Of Home... Again...

I just realized that in a year and half I’ve been traveling back and forth to home every three months or so and every time I go I tour at least another city other than mine. It’s really intriguing how you get to see more of a place when you don’t live there anymore. I guess this would be attributable to your emotional change towards such place. When you reside there its home, it’s the place where you work, see your family and meet up with your friends and that is all time consuming. But once you seize to reside there, you get the feeling of a tourist going to visit this place, it won’t be long before your leave is gone and you are heading out of the place you so – once – called home.

Last time I visited, I went to Sharm El Sheikh with some Egyptian friends of mine. We had a blast over there. I always do when I go to Sharm. The whole city gives you the feeling of the resort to which you can only respond to by enjoying the leisure time you will get to spend there.

Later on in Alexandria, I met up with some Bahraini friends of mine who came over to visit. It was their first trip to Egypt and although they traveled to other places before – mostly western – they were amazed by the difference of cultures that Bahrain and Egypt do have. Although both countries are supposed to be of a common culture and background but they are worlds apart. I, myself, haven’t really touched upon that fact, for me Bahrain is the same like Egypt but more calmness and less stress but in eighteen months I came to a realization that Bahrain is more like an expats city in the Gulf and locals don’t get to enjoy it as we expats do.

of weddings, tours and friends...

It was a regular travel day, my taxi has arrived I am all packed up and ready to go. My nostalgia was kicking in as usual, looking forward to the airport blues as ever. I took one last look at my place, smiled at the photos of family and friends stacked on my reception tables. It won’t be long now before I see them in person and add couple of more photos to this chronological photography of my life.

I arrived at the airport exactly two hours before my flight as I usually do, I walk up to the lady giving the boarding passes, smiled at her, and handed my passport and ticket, she returned my smile with a nervous one and explains to me that my confirmed ticket is no good because Gulf Air has over booked the flight. At first I thought she was joking but by the looks at her face I could tell she wasn’t. The poor lady thought that I was going to take it out on her, which I didn’t. I felt my throat shocking in disgust of the Bahraini airliner which does that on regular basis around holiday’s seasons. My day was ruined and there is no point in ruining her day as well over something that she didn’t do.

In the mist of rage and frustration of over twenty people who will be missing on their vacation plans and reservations, I met some very interesting people whom in the course of my normal daily life I wouldn’t usually meet. We agreed to break our fast together since our plans of so doing with our families were sabotaged.

Despite of the bad start of the day, it turned out to be one of the best days I’ve had thus far in Bahrain, after breaking our fast we went for coffee and then went carting, we were as if we were trying to overcome our depression of missing out on our families for one more day than we have to.

What happened that day was unorthodox; it was really remarkable how people who just met few hours ago can turn out to be such good friends, some how it felt like I have known them for years. I am not the type that can bestow the title of a “friend” over somebody easily, but I just had to break my rules this time. I can’t really say I am happy I missed the flight that day, but it certainly turned out for the best.

We traveled the next day and split ways in Cairo.

I went to Alexandria and had a long and eventful vacation. The headliner was my twin brother’s wedding. I danced that night as I’ve never danced in my entire life, I danced differently and continuously, for some reason I was overjoyed may be because I was happy for him and happy for his wife who happened to be one of my best friends.

I felt settled somehow; I had this feeling that nothing in life could go wrong past this moment.

But perhaps it wasn’t just the joy, it was the joy combined with the change of character that has been accumulating through the past 18 months. I quote a dialogue between my mother and a friend of mine:

My mother pointing at me on the dance floor: Who is that?
My friend: Well, I think he is your son.
My mother: Nooo, I don’t know this person

The irony in this small humorous dialogue – which I think have not crossed the minds of my mother and my friend – is that it so righteously implies the extent of change I’ve gone through; right now I have more character profiles than my mobile phone. It wasn’t that far ago when I was being - literary - dragged around the dance floor in my own ex-engagement party by friends and family while I kept my composure at all times.

Perhaps I need to examine that in a separate post one day or even in a separate blog… who knows?

After the wedding I spent one day in Alexandria and then flied to Luxor with a friend of mine we went to Luxor, Aswan, Kom Ombo, Edfu and finally Cairo.

In Luxor we stayed at this small hotel on the West Bank, it was more like somebody’s home somehow converted to a hotel. The manager and the owner was a great dynamic guy who can arrange anything and everything like a Swiss clock, by just looking at him you can tell how much he resembles his ancestors. We really enjoyed our time over there. We took a ride in a hot air balloon around sunrise to see the sun rising over the ancient ruins which was breathtaking. My friend had this book on him and we used it as our guide: where to go, where to eat and what to see. And since we were staying on the west bank we were using a private motor boat to move around, otherwise it is 60 minutes drive to just get from one side of the river to the other. We went to everyplace in Luxor that is on the touristic map. That was totally worth our while. Attempting to describe those places will be undermining.

How can you describe places as old as time itself, places that probably have the story of your entire bloodline engraved on its walls.

Few days later we drove to Aswan. Because my friend was a foreigner we had to drive along with a big convoy of tour buses and police escorts. As I understand that became standard for tourist protection since the 90s. On the way we visited Edfu and Kom Ombo as well.

In Aswan we stayed at a hotel on a private island on the River Nile and we had to take a boat whenever we wanted to go anywhere. Again my friend’s book came in handy and we visited all the places there.

Later on we took a flight to Cairo and I got to see and enter the pyramids for the first time in my life. That was quite an experience. I’ve read about Egyptology as much as I read about law and I know the design of the pyramids like the back of my hand and I got to see them for the first time after 27 years of age.

That was by all means the most enjoyable trip I’ve taken around Egypt so far.

In conclusion of 12 days in Europe with a good old friend…

This trip was a turning point in my life… it was revealing in many aspects. It helped me realize there is too much beauty to life to be wasted on regrets or feeling sorry for paths in life that I did not take willingly and which blinds me from taking the paths that I am willing to take.

The resemblance between my friend and me was abnormal. We read the same books, we are both a middle child, both Leos, we are both the rouge one of our families and we even have the same preferences when it comes to shoes. And let me elaborate on this shoes coincidence because it was quite funny. When we first met, we were wearing the same brand and only figured out the next day, which so happened to be another day in which we were wearing a different brand than the day before but still the same brand as each other!!!

The resemblances in our choices and preferences made me question, and affirm, some of my basic concepts in life, and right now, I am more convinced than ever that there is no such thing in life as chance. However, I started to believe in the concept of “meant to be” although I am still searching for the answer of why things are meant to be the way they are?

Life just keeps giving us clues but always forgets to give us the keys to interpret them… I guess it is up to us to find those keys.

A predominant subject that we have been discussing a lot was “relationships”, some how I still know a thing or two about these, and apparently, I haven’t lost my faith completely on the same. In fact, I haven’t lost my faith at all, somewhere deep inside my clouded heart I still believe that there is more to life than one big-time screwed-up relationship.

I right now believe that we should not miss on life because we are scared or not sure. We should build our criteria upon our needs and not our desires because the former are durable but the latter are ever changing. The need is the driving emotion of the human heart but desire is the byproduct of such need. That’s, basically, what makes us differ from animals, and ironically that what makes some animals differ from most – so called – humans.

The farewell moments were emotional, some how we bonded within these twelve days as we could have done in the twelve years, had we been interacting in real life. She told her friends one day that “some how we had this soul-mate thing going on between us since the start” her words crossed my mind while I hugged her and kissed her hands goodbye. I felt proud of her and myself for proving to the world that humanity can still prevail despite of all the madness that is going on.

We’ve already made plans for our next meet and I am very much looking forward to that.

Who knows where life will take us from there?

Norway - God's heaven on Earth...

Norway is god’s heaven on earth, you can tell that from the first encounter. My friend says “god had a very good day when he created Norway” I guess that should be enough to convey the meaning.

It is impressive to see the mixture of the four elements of the human origin combined in one massive painting that shows god’s creativity. For those of you who have not yet seen that in their lives … perhaps Norway will be the best demonstration.

It maked me wonder about the message god wanted to convey to humanity by giving some people deserts and oil and giving others rivers and forests…

We visited many places, and have been to more than half a dozen of forests looking for mushrooms and cram berries. That was fun. The landscapes here are breathtaking, and the fresh air is like nothing I have experienced before. One of the things that is worth mentioning is the mailbox at Nisseloft Brevhus, which they process once a year only around Christmas time so that all greetings messages have to be christmas related... a nice cheerful idea.

Something grows inside you as you stroll along the Norwegian countryside, I wish I know what that is.

From Denmark to Norway...

We have been driving all night. We crossed Denmark and we made three stops only. One of them was near Hamburg Germany. I was impressed by the German countryside, and not so much with the Danish, some how the latter is typical to ones expectations of a rural area. At one of the stops my friend had a Danish hot chocolate and based upon that, I would advise everyone to stick to Swiss chocolate :)

It has been raining for sometime now, but the sun is coming out from time to time to greet the one coming from the east. We have waited to board the ferry to Norway for a while but one can never be bored when the water meets the greenery, in addition for someone who was -twice - on a bus for three days and three nights, I do not think that is an issue. The weather is cold which I like the most. The lady giving us the boarding pass to the ferry gave us sickness pills because of the weather. I suppose that was a nice gesture, judging by the expressions made by my company.

We are on the ferry now we went to have a look from the back of the ferry and in less than 15 Min the land was gone, right now there is nothing around us but the raging Northern Sea and the sweet smell coming from the unknown.

Germany...

I arrived at Dusseldorf an hour late because my flight was delayed for some reason. We recognized each other easily with no hesitations. My friend and her family are too good to me. They are very nice people. In the east, we stereotype all Europeans as just being cold… I can say now that this is not true. All the people whom I met up to this moment are so friendly even those who cannot speak a single English word.

We were babysitting my friend’s two years old niece today; she is so cute I cannot get enough of her although we cannot understand each other due to the language barriers. We toured around a bit and today we took a walk up hill, it was amazing. Everything here is just so green. It rained yesterday and now it is raining again. I really love that, it has been a while since I felt the rain on my skin.

My friend’s father went to have a hair cut today and the lady there knew that I was visiting… that made me realize how small this place really is and that barbers are the same everywhere :o)

We are heading to Norway tonight and everyone is excited about that, they say Norway is a heaven… and I thought I have seen it all… if Norway is heaven then what is this place right here???

Dubai Airport... connecting to Dusseldorf

I took a connecting flight to Dusseldorf, so now I have 2 hours layoff at Dubai. I like this airport its some how a friendly one although it is huge and you can walk here for 20 minutes before reach the passport control.

The airport has a free wireless internet connection and next to the first class lounge, the signal is great :O)

Now it is almost 1: 10 Dubai time and I will go around for a walk.

Of friends, Life Journeys and Social Odysseys…

My social life – as one can expect - has been an intricate odyssey with multiple streamlines that have caused me to meet some of the finest people on the plant, and for that, I am grateful.

One of the best chapters of this odyssey is the one involving my oldest friend of all; she is a German whom I haven’t met in person ever in my life. We started writing each other 12 years ago, specifically in January 1996, since then we have been sharing the good and bad in life through all means of communications but never face to face.

Even my best friends, whom I shared my actual daily life with, have not been around since that long.

I am meeting her this September… we planed to meet in Germany and then go on a road trip up to Denmark, cross it from South to North, and from Hirtshals catch a ferry to Norway, spend sometime there in Kristiansand and then back to Germany again.

This plan was hers and I don’t think I could have thought of any better plan for a “first” meet with an “old” friend.

There is something intriguing about road trips; they are like cruising life at 120 KM per hour. The cars that pass you by, the faces you only see glimpses of and the obstructions you meet are a detailed mystical account of your lifetime.

How many people have you failed to get to know better and when you realized it, they were already miles away? How many turns have you wished you had taken? …and how many you wished you had missed? How many red signs you – still – wish you stopped at?

No matter how your road turns out to be it is always the people riding with you who matters, family, friends, soul mates or loved ones; those are the ingredients of your existence and those are the real journey of your life.

I am leaving next Monday to add another episode to this part of my journey that has started 12 years ago. I’ll be trying to blog this episode live.

Luring the nights away…

“So after all those one night stands

You've ended up with heart in hand

A child alone

On your own

Retreating

Regretful for the things you're not

And all the things you haven't got

Without a home

A heart of stone

Lies bleeding

And for all the roads you followed

And for all you did not find

And for all the things you had to leave behind”

Believe - Savatage

Suddenly I had this realization of how lonely I have become through the past year… it’s not the physical loneliness that matters it’s the loneliness of the soul that can degrade all your accomplishments and inveigle you away from your victories. I have been aware of this issue and no matter how many friends I make and how many relationships I go through deep down my heart I know that I am just luring the nights away.

I have made lots of friends through all the social functions I’ve attended and they are great people, they are the warm embracing cuddle that keeps my soul from bleeding out and my heart from stone freezing but yet my heart and soul are yearning to be patched up they are looking forward to the person who will come to claim them back and take them home. My mind however is a different case my mind is the thing that pumped all the soothing chemicals into my blood stream when it all went down, it’s the only thing that stood by me when my heart and soul gave in to depression and anxiety. And now it is claiming back the debt it is urging me not to go this way again.

I wonder how this battle is going to end.

A year has gone…

Today I commemorate the beginning of my expat days… in that very day last year I started a journey I don’t know when it will end or even if it will ever end at all.

I started this journey with hopes, ambitions, dreams and a vision of a definite tomorrow. Little did I know that this journey will be the premature start of a new life in which I will lose a dream or…… two, have no sight of my vision and look down on my – used to be – ambitions.

Looking back at the person I used to be is like looking at a 10 years old photo of yourself… you don’t really realize how much you changed until you open the photo album.

I have come a long way and there is no looking back now… I have locked up all my memories in the locker of time hoping that oblivion will be so kind to make me forget the combination. I guess I am not there yet.

Because not everything in life comes with a warranty…

It is despicable how some people think they possess the powers to set anything right. Looking back at my own experience, I realize that some how I am to blame. I might actually have given the impression that I can forgive anything this person does, next thing I know she takes me for granted and I start running the viscous circles of being used and loving it. Some how, for what I thought are all the right reasons, I gave her a status in my life that she proved not to be worthy of.

And even after her stronghold, which was my own heart, crumpled after seven years of devotion, and despite of the scars that were left by the brutal demolition of everything that one day meant something, I didn’t sever the ties completely; all I said is that I need time after which we will resume our relationship as friends. She is the one who severed the ties and took measures towards it. And I had to live with that just like I had to live with her choices and unfairness and endure them no matter how painful and iniquitous they were.

Weeks ago, I was contacted by a common friend to ask whether she can give my number to her or not. She said that she missed the friends we used to be. I thought to myself why not? It has been almost a year and perhaps it is just about time. I was going to be deceived again under the false pretences of friendship but still I asked for some time before I can give my answer and then things just started to unveil, I’ve always known that things went bad for a reason, I’ve been looking for answers since then, little did I know that the reason was her infidelity...and that the answers will come knocking on my door!!!

She vended me cheap on all levels, I offered earnestness and she reciprocated with treachery, I offered fidelity and she reciprocated with betrayal and disloyalty, I offered friendship and she responded by back stabbing, she massacred my soul and watched my dying heart lose life in excruciating pain while I swept my own blood down the drains.

And now she wants to talk!!!

I am sorry but …

Not everything in life comes with a warranty.

____________________________________________________

UPDATE

When her endeavor to re-communicate failed, she went around my friends making all kind of claims that I used her!!! Who, the hell, used who? Who exploited the other? Who traded in his partner’s life and well being for a cheap lust?
“Oh god I call upon thee, I am defeated, prejudiced and betrayed OH, GOD, AVENGE ME”

Sand storms in the Saudi deserts….

I travelled to Saudi Arabia for the inauguration of our new subsidiary there; we have been working out every little detail for months now. We all were looking forward to the big day just to get rid of the nerves breaking pressure from the Japanese management. I spend 5 days there in which I used to leave the hotel at 6 AM and come back around 12 AM next day. We were short in hands and we even had to do some labor work using our own skills.

In the big day everything was set like a Swiss clock but nature had another plan to welcome us in the Saudi deserts. And what can be a better and warmer welcome than a Sand Storm, in the most inconvenient of all times, in the forth day of the five days, nature chooses to blow up some steam.

The inauguration tent was almost blown down and we had to cut the ceremony short and move to the lunch tent which had to be perforated to allow wind, and of course sand, to go through without tearing the whole structure down.

In ten years time I hope to meet someone who’ve got a job there and I’ll be more than satisfied knowing that at least a long exhausting day of my life in which, as usual, I had to do the work of all four members of my team, did not go in vain.

Toastmasters Club…

I was invited to the Toastmaster party of the company I work for. The theme of the meeting was “Humorous Speech”. My Japanese boss who is over 60 years old was going to participate and he told me that this is his first time to do such thing and that he is so nervous about it.

That was amazing…The man is over 60 years old and there is actually something he still didn’t do… and the more intriguing thought is that he still has the energy to experience new venues in life.

So much for the Toastmasters punctuality, the event started late…. Let alone that the speeches were not even amusing.

When my boss went up there and he started giving his speech I was taken by the fact that he was not even using his own voice. Something in his English is less Japanese. He gave his speech about a Japanese term that stands for “not utilizing things to their best efficiency” but unfortunately I forgot the term itself.

He just swept the audience off their feet. He used different voices, postures and bodily orientations to depict different characters in his speech. He was hilarious. And he concluded his speech by saying “Finally if you don’t vote for me that would be not utilizing your votes to their best efficiency” and the crowd erupted in laughter and very long round of applause.

Needless to say, he got the first prize. His speech was informative, funny really amusing and in less than 7 minutes!!!!

I really hope that one day I’ll find the same energy within my weary soul...

Tales of three cities and a friendship…

Days ago, I received a call from an old friend informing me that she will be flying to visit; she is best friends with my X and I haven’t seen her for two years or so…, I really did not know what to expect. I was nervous that seeing her might trigger some memories I’ve been trying to suppress and that I would subconsciously treat her in a way that she doesn’t deserve, in prosecution of her capacity rather than the person she really is…

I picked her up at the airport and headed to my place. We had lots of catching up to do, that night we talked, ate and laughed and my nervousness faded away, she actually made me feel better.

It was to my surprise to see that she has a clear, light and beautiful soul that makes you feel at ease with her being around. I certainly didn’t see that before... neither did I ever feel close to her as I did that day, I felt alive, hopeful and tranquilized in a way I haven’t felt in months.

How can the fact of being close to someone – my X for that matter – ever block the vision of seeing others as they really are rather than “objectifying” them in reflection of their social affiliations?!! Why was I ever considering breaking up with that friend for something she didn’t do or even remotely contribute to?! When did I lose my vision and decided to play things safe and erroneous rather than risky but correct?

We later took a flight to Abu Dhabi and then split ways. I visited some friends in Sharja and Dubai and we met again two days later in Abu Dhabi.

I didn’t like Sharja or Dubai as much as I liked Abu Dhabi… but generally, I had more fun in these four days than I had in the past seven months.

It was certainly a nice change to enjoy the proximity of someone, whom I used to have history with before the “expat’s syndrome” kicks into my systems, and it was definitely more than I ever bargained for; to make a new friend out of an old one.

For all of that I am thankful.

Strolling down the beach of life …

Today the weather was windy with some light rain; it was the perfect weather for one of my “mood walks”…

As I strolled down the beach I began to reflect on everything that has been going on lately. Here I am walking alone again on a windy and rainy day, as close to the water as I can get and as far from my self as I can be…

It was less than a week ago that I had to bid farewell to my last friend here, the same friend that I’ve been strolling down the beach with for the past six month or so.

My social life has been climbing up and down the graph since I left home… it has now become to a rest on the X-Axis…

I began to move away from the water as I felt my body temperature falling below average… I took a sit and stared at the surroundings… I found a tree, a light post and cement chair each in the proximity of the others but yet all are still alone fighting the freezing winter winds unaware of the fact that if they combined they will not need to fight any more. I smiled at the irony of life, we human beings are the same, we live, work and walk in proximity but we rather strive against the storm alone and hope to survive than unite and fight no more but risk being hurt… We need the proximity of others but yet we build fences and install more sophisticated locks. We buy more land to add extra perimeters to our own personal spaces and yet complain of the isolation.

As the sun went down and as I headed back to my place I began murmuring Brett Dennen’s “There ain’t no reason”.

May be one day I’ll find my reasons and may be one day I’ll find home again.

To whom I loved the most, cared for best, and cherished like I have no other,
To whom I pledged all my reasons and devotion,
To whom I offered nothing but pure and sincere affection,

Happy Birth Day
*****
May your year be better than mine.
May god never condemn you to endure what you destined me to go through.

May you never be what you forced me into.

May you never learn that treachery comes from the closest and that deceit can be sugar coated.
May you find whatever you are looking for and may it be worth the price I had to pay.

*****
Unfortunately, I have nothing to offer you in your birthday but wishes,

Although I wished it to be forgiveness and even though I sincerely tried, I just couldn’t, apparently I am not as strong or as forgiving as I used to be.

*****
Perhaps next year…!!!