Luring the nights away…

“So after all those one night stands

You've ended up with heart in hand

A child alone

On your own

Retreating

Regretful for the things you're not

And all the things you haven't got

Without a home

A heart of stone

Lies bleeding

And for all the roads you followed

And for all you did not find

And for all the things you had to leave behind”

Believe - Savatage

Suddenly I had this realization of how lonely I have become through the past year… it’s not the physical loneliness that matters it’s the loneliness of the soul that can degrade all your accomplishments and inveigle you away from your victories. I have been aware of this issue and no matter how many friends I make and how many relationships I go through deep down my heart I know that I am just luring the nights away.

I have made lots of friends through all the social functions I’ve attended and they are great people, they are the warm embracing cuddle that keeps my soul from bleeding out and my heart from stone freezing but yet my heart and soul are yearning to be patched up they are looking forward to the person who will come to claim them back and take them home. My mind however is a different case my mind is the thing that pumped all the soothing chemicals into my blood stream when it all went down, it’s the only thing that stood by me when my heart and soul gave in to depression and anxiety. And now it is claiming back the debt it is urging me not to go this way again.

I wonder how this battle is going to end.